Imagination at the Cusp of Three

As Kieran arrives at his third birthday in just over a week, we have really noticed how vivid his imagination has become. From pretending to be a dinosaur, shark, or deer, to creating imaginary situations, scenarios, and outcomes for daily events ("Dad, the vacuum has a flat tire....but don't worry, I will fix it").

The most difficult aspect of his increasing imagination is a stronger sense of fear. It is hard as a parent to see him begin to grapple with a self-aware sense of fear, perhaps one could call it existential fear? It is different from the instinctive fear that he displayed as a very young child, grabbing Mommy or Daddy when he heard a loud noise, or hiding his face when he saw something unusual or strange. This fear is more an awareness of his smallness in the world, an awareness that life has not only wonderful things to explore, but strange and threatening things as well.

Sometimes his fears are hard not to laugh out loud at, so silly and even cute they seem. Like when he was freaked out by the owl poster in his room, and called Mommy to come console him. Maranda quickly repositioned him so he couldn't see the poster and told him that he could sleep now. In a tiny, quavering voice he responded, "he can still see the top of my head," placing his hands up on his head, "he thinks I'm a mouse!" Only by pulling the poster down was Kieran able to sleep.

Lately Kieran has been afraid of ghosts, which can be various objects in his room, or just a perceived "bad ghost" that he needs Daddy to frighten away. One of the best pieces of advice I read in a parenting journal was to reassure him at his own level, without trying to convince him that his fear is baseless. So instead of trying to convince him that there is no ghost in the room (my natural instinct), instead I position his "safety" animals around him in a formidable triangle (a triangle being one of the strongest formations). His big Panda bear watches from behind, his Kung Fu skills at the ready. A large rabbit that looks more like a dog lays next to the bed rail, with his attentive ears listening for the least sound of trouble. Finally "Alexa Dog," a large, plush German Shorthaired Pointer, lays on top of Kieran and a myriad of smaller stuffed animals, ready to growl at any intruders.

Surprisingly Kieran is reassured by this tactic, even without long explanations regarding the fictional nature of ghosts. In fact, he is not even the most helpless in the bed. While he is guarded by his three big safety animals, I have entrusted him with the safe keeping of the lesser stuffed animals in his bed, who snuggle next to him for warmth and safety. This crew is large and varied, and includes a white baby seal (very soft), a yellow baby duck in a bath robe, a doll named 'brina (short for sabrina), several teddy bears, a tree frog, a small grey hippo, two stuffed penguins, a stuffed caterpillar, and miscellaneous other creatures. He takes his role as caretaker seriously, reassuring the small animals while holding them in a huge hug around his body.

Tonight we had a brief concern regarding a large "hand" that was appearing on his ceiling above him after I went out of the room. Leaving his bedside lamp on for a little while was the agreed upon resolution, as Kieran felt confident that the hand would not come back with the light on. He has now quickly fallen asleep, fears vanquished for one more night.