So I have an interesting situation that has recently developed at work....I have befriended one of our cafeteria workers who is a recent immigrant to the US. Befriended is perhaps an overstatement, I have just engaged in polite conversation each morning and afternoon and gone out of my way to go through her check-out line. She works ten hour days, 6/7 days a week! Her name is a challenge for an english speaker, so she always shows delight when I get it right. My interaction with her and a few other cafeteria workers has become my favorite part of each day.
So, in the past two days she has intentionally not charged me for my milk at breakfast (I always get a bowl of oatmeal and raisins, milk, and a cup of instant coffee (yek). The free milk is a small token of appreciation from someone who has very little to give. But here's the rub, its not her milk to give away! I really appreciate the gesture, and the impact on the food service company is clearly insignificant, but should I be accepting such an offer, especially if it becomes a regular occurrence?
Now I know the obvious answer here is to politely decline, leading to a moment of embarrassment on her part, and a rectified situation. For me, her warm greeting is worth many, many times more than the free milk, but I can't think of a way to graciously communicate that.
So, do I refuse such a small gift from an overworked, underpaid worker who likely comes from a culture where gifts are highly valued, with the alternative to basically aid and abet stealing milk from our cafeteria? Or should I find a way to reimburse the cafeteria coffers while continuing to accept her token gift of a free milk (thus reinforcing that this behavior is acceptable)? Or am I just being silly and should look a gift milk in the carton?
I for one do not think there is an easy answer here, but would like to get your input. What do you think I should do?
3 comments:
This, my friend, is a tough one. The best solution I can think of is to become good enough friends with her that it wouldn't be that embarrassing for her if you talked to her about this. But that's an extremely hypocritical suggestion on my part, because I very much doubt that I could bring myself to care enough to invest that much in the relationship. So as an abstract thought-experiment, that seems like a good answer to me. As a concrete relationship in the real world - I'm honestly not trying to lay that on you, because I honestly don't think I'd do that myself. So, no help here. :-)
awesome dilemma bro!
this reminds me of the third culture phenomenon that i hear described by Jackie and her expat friends, (not Deutch, not Egyptian, not American, but something else) - and also the tensions that immigrant kids experience when they grow up here and have to live / translate “between cultures”.
It’s a blessing to find yourself in such a space!
This one is interesting. I read it and thought...would I see it as a dilemma and does that make me unethical? It is a wonderful situation...it seems that reaching out to others (in general) isn't easy or done often...but the way many people treat "service industry" workers....
That does not really help you with the dilemma - I guess I would find another way to pay for it...but would that get her in trouble with her boss? Hmmm....I guess that I am not so sure. -S
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