The Wonderful Twos

Kieran is quickly approaching two years old (9/22) and is already showing signs of strong desires, mini tantrums and fits, and an overall more commanding tone. Despite what you might think, the title is neither intended to be tongue in cheek or sarcastic. Surprising as it may be, I am loving Kieran's newly discovered sense of autonomy and will! It makes me smile (sometimes only on the inside as I don't want him to be offended) when Kieran throws a fit over our refusal to give him chocolate chips instead of dinner, or his sudden collapse when I insist he go to the bedroom and get his clothes on.

Why do I enjoy such behavior, I must be sick in the head to be such a parental annomaly? Well, perhaps in a way I understand being misunderstood, as I extended my "terrible twos" well into my teens (or perhaps adult years if you ask my wife). Or perhaps I am just please to see my son entering a new stage of life and self-awareness. Perhaps it is a little of both. Whatever the reason the truth is that so far I really relish this "negative" behavior. Indeed, I don't see it as negative at all, instead it is the result of a growing awareness that he has opinions, desires, and needs, that may or may not line up with those of his parents. This is a good thing! I would be far more frustrated with a super passive child who mirrored every desire and behavior of Maranda and I.

This ability to start asserting his desires is really quite beautiful, if a times a little noisy. We are in the process of watching an individual be born! Not to say that he wasn't an individual before now, but in a certain way I do think that by asserting some level of difference and autonomy from his parents, he is claiming his individuality in very real ways.

Of course, this process includes learning not only desires and opinions, but also boundaries and limits. This is a very important part of this process of self-discovery, as a child that never encounters boundaries or limits will learn a false sense of what is possible and normal in life, leading them to harmful behaviors. On the flip side, a child that experiences articially restrictive boundaries and limits will learn that life can only be experienced in a very narrow and limited fashion. Indeed, their own sense of individuality will likely be harmed in such a scenario.

So it is a delicate balancing act, this freedom to express and individuate, balanced with healthy limits and boundaries. I certainly don't claim to know what it takes to stay balanced, and I think the task is different for every child! What I can say with clarity, is that I have one of the most amazing, patient, and understanding partners in this challenge, my wife Maranda. My hope is that her yin to my yang will provide a healthy atmosphere for my son to claim his personhood.